I've struggled the last few days, knowing that Sunday was approaching, with what to say here. (Yes, I know, it's sort of pathetic thinking of my blog this way so far in advance.) It's just that it's been the weirdest week. And for as many of the thousands of thoughts and words I have swimming around in my head I couldn't think of one appropriate thing to say that summed it all up simply. So, I decided to not say anything and just let the images speak for themselves. But even that wasn't really going to work. None of the images I've taken in the last seven days put an accurate description on the way that it's felt.
There's only one word, really, that keeps coming to mind.
bittersweet.
The week started out good. It's a new year. I wrote down goals. I cleaned my workspace extensively. I painted my fingernails with a new-yearsy, sparkly, pink. I started a few new projects. I received a call to do a food photography job. I did said photography job. I got a call from a past client who wants to order prints. I put things in order for my Valentines Boudoir Special. Sounds great right? And then it all went downhill. I suffered this week with disappointment and heartache too personal to explain here. But it was enough to make all the sweetness turn bitter. There were tears and confusion and huge moments of doubt on my part as a person, and as a photographer.
And what's the conclusion? What's the ah-ha moment that wraps it all up into a happy ending? There really isn't one. Sorry folks. But there is strength. And if there's one thing I've become very well acquainted with over the years, it's strength. It's the most admirable quality, and equally the most difficult to maintain and possess. But it takes strength (and a LOT of patience) to be a photographer. And it takes even more strength to remember who you are, because it's too easy to forget.
There's a quote from a book, Art and Fear by David Bayles and Ted Orland that I found quoted by a good friend yesterday that really hit home with me:
“To all viewers but yourself, what matters is the product: the finished artwork. To you, and you alone, what matters is the process.”
What matters is the process.
So here's to a new week, knowing myself, and being strong. Here's to being an artist and loving the process, regardless of the outcome. I think I'll go re-paint my fingernails sparkly pink again and start over.
Here are a few photos.
enjoy :)
