On several occasions lately I have laid down with my eyes closed and very deliberately tried to clear my mind. It sounds simple right? I start breathing with the back of my throat like I do in yoga. It's like trying to fog up a window with your mouth closed. I tell myself, "Hailey, just listen to your breath. Just think of nothing but the inhalation and exhalation. Pay attention to nothing but the rise and fall of your chest and the way each muscle begins to relax and melt into a puddle of stillness." But of course upon the first exhale my thoughts wander....
"I should probably get Daphnie to the vet soon to check that bump on her face. She also needs a bath. Yeah but that's so much work and it makes my back hurt every time. And it's raining this week and she'll just get dirty again anyway. What's up with this weather lately? I miss Oklahoma thunderstorms this time of year. But Durango summers are so much cooler. I can't wait to float the river soon. We only floated once last year and the tubes were so uncomfortable. We'll probably use them again though because they were cheap. .........Oh yeah. Breath..... ........inhaaaaaaale........exhaaaale........it's so hard to keep this breathing up while I'm in yoga. I'm gonna miss my yoga teacher while she's away this month. It's a good excuse for me to start doing it at home again. That was, after all, on my new years resolution list. Holy cow it's already April!? I need to pull out that list and see how good I'm doing. But when am I going to have time to do those things? I just started a part time job and I need desperately to work on SEO for my web presence. I feel like my photography has become like a neglected child. Gosh this makes me sad. Angry. I'm exhausted. Oh yeah.....I'm forgetting to breath...."
Welcome to my mind.
I once spent almost an entire yoga class thinking about how to make a slipcover for my ugly couch. Pathetic and highly unimportant. And this is truly only a tiny example of what it's really like. I haven't blogged in over two weeks. Part of that is because I was out of town on a camping trip and I started a new side job. The other part of that is because I haven't been using my camera. And worst of all?? I don't feel anything when I do. I don't feel inspired. I feel unbalanced and overwhelmed. I feel pressure to be great, to create, and to inspire.
So why am I telling you this? Because I feel like being honest and real with my fans and my clients. People have been emailing me, friends and strangers alike, asking me if I'm ok. They haven't seen my usual Sunday blog and really miss it. They "look forward to it" every week. I wanted to thank each of you. Each and every one of you who I often forget are silently watching and supporting what I do. I often feel like my life on "Everyday Sunday" comes across as so perfect and charming. And yes, it's charming, but far from perfect. Just like any other writer or artist I too can let my life get out of control and get creative block. And one of the many things that helps is for me to literally not turn on my computer, not pick up my camera, and do something entirely non-photography related.
So bare with me as I make lists, bake a cake for no reason, spring clean, and take my dog for long walks in silence. Bare with me as I try very hard to clear my tangled mind. Bare with me as I throw myself onto the floor in tiny pieces and slowly pick them up and put myself back together. Bare with me as I collect myself. I promise I'll start creating and blogging soon. And it will be awesome. :)